Peaches and Pop Tarts

I am ashamed to admit that this was my lunch one day last week.

I figure I gotta be honest, here, right?

Last week was rough.

For those that don't know me personally, Billy works out of town part of each month. We also have 8 dogs, but he takes one with him, so that leaves me with 7 to feed, water, exercise, etc, etc. And one of those dogs, our sweet Riley, is epileptic and has a very regimented routine and medicine schedule.

So, my day gets worked around Riley's needs when Billy's gone.

One of the important parts of his day is his walk - for two reasons. One, routine is important and keeps his anxiety in check which usually helps with everything else. Second, the sunshine is very beneficial (he has a holistic vet on his team and she agrees with me on that). I also happen to think that all the good endorphins and other things that get released when you exercise are good for him.

So, when you have to work 10 hours a day (or more if you can take it),trying to find time for a 30 minute walk can be a challenge.

Trust me on this.

Two days last week it was raining so I had to find a break in the drizzle - which occurred about 6:30 at night. I don't much care for walking after dark when I'm alone, but you do what you have to do.

Imagine my delight when Wednesday dawned a glorious day. That day's walk would be in daylight and dry!

Normally, this time of year my lunch is only 30 minutes, but I figured I could always work later so walking at lunch seemed like a good idea. After I let everyone out, I just grabbed a half can of peaches (in Splenda). Now I grabbed something because Riley gets medicine at 1:30 so instead of going to lunch at noon as usual I was going about an hour later. I was starving and I grabbed something handy.

So far, so good. Canned peaches, with some exercise looming.

Ok, for some reason, Riley walked just about as slow as he could without completely stopping and all I could do was keep staring at my watch. (I know a lot of people wouldn't do this for a dog but we believe that caring for these guys is part of our purpose for being here so we'll do whatever is needed.) By the time we completed our route my time for lunch was more than up so I reached in the cabinet and grabbed the first thing I could that I could eat without cooking.

Yes, I eat my Pop Tarts cold.

Horrible choice! Yes, Pop Tarts can be a nice occasional treat. They are not a good meal. There is very little of any nutritional value in them, lots of sugar, and nothing to fill you up. So I was hungry again not very long after.

A bad choice.

A bad choice made worse by the fact that I had a house full of things I could have microwaved in two minutes or less. Good choices. (If you haven't checked out Lean Pockets lately, you should. These are not your kids Hot Pockets! I tried a Lean Pocket with grilled chicken in a whole wheat crust with cheese and a garlic white sauce - very grown up! and very good! only 260 calories,)

So, even though I know all the right things to do and try really hard, I slip up. It happens.

But it was one slip. Didn't derail the train. I made good choices for dinner and the next day.

Matter of fact, with everything going on last week, I actually lost 2 pounds. But most importantly, I didn't beat myself up, didn't give up on myself. I recognized the situation for what it was - an inappropriate response to a stressful situation and a bad choice.

But it was only one choice. Not a life-altering event.

Your bad choices aren't either. Make them, but let them go.

A Potpourri

So much to share, so little time.

I find that while I think about things to add to blog all the time after spending 12 hours at the office I rarely want to sit in front of the computer once I get home and write.

Even though I love to write.

If this whole blog thing ever gets voice activated then look out!

Anyway.

First, my plan seems to be working. By moving daily exercise on to the "must" do list instead of the "I will if I feel like it" list I have seen some good results in the last week. Way back down under my ceiling weight. I also know that adding back some variety in my workouts is a good thing. I pulled out the EA Sports Active Wii game from last summer (that I did for about a month or so) and my legs were sore for three days from all the lunges and calf work I did - in just one night!

So, keep your body guessing! If it doesn't know what you're going to next, it can't outsmart you.

I did have to vary my initial plan a little last week due to weather conditions and other events, but I made it a priority to do something physical every day except Friday. That was pizza and movie and Olympics night. And this week's plan just says "Walk Riley" every day. It's my week and that will probably be the only physical activity I get until Billy gets back home.

Second item. For reasons that I don't really want to get into here, I have been asked by one of my doctors to cut back on the caffeine.

Truly not words that I wanted to hear.

In reality, I don't drink all that much, and not near as much as I used to or as much as a lot of people I know. But still.

So I started yesterday. Only one cup of coffee in the morning instead of two and a 7Up for lunch instead of a Diet Dr. Pepper or Coke Zero. I made sure the herbal tea in the afternoon was decaffeinated.

Woke up with a headache this morning.

Still nursing my one cup. But there is more in the pot and I might have to ease into this whole thing. After all, he said cut back, not cut out. We are also going to try and make the coffee 50/50 after Billy gets home. He said he was up for it. He does try to support me in every way possible.

I'll be interested to see if less caffeine has any other effects with the healthy lifestyle.

Here's the other really cool thing. This doctor is brand new in town. I'd never seen him before. I only went this time to get a second opinion - and from someone who was not tied to Natchez. So he's going through my history and all. In discussing my habits and lifestyle I mentioned the fact that I had lost around 50 pounds over the last couple of years.

50? he said.

Yes.

Asked me what I weighed now.

Told him without hesitation.

Raise your right hand, he says. Swear to me you won't get any skinnier.

Y'all that hit me like nothing else.

I had one doctor here in town that would almost berate me about my weight every time he saw me. Even if the ailment I was there for was in no way, shape or form effected by my weight he would bring the conversation around to it. I didn't stay with him long. Not because he was wrong, but his manner was. He wasn't helping me by trying to make me feel bad about myself. He did nothing, actually, to even try to help or offer solutions.

So, my next two doctors never said a word, even when I was at my heaviest, unless I brought it up first. I liked that better. I knew what I needed to do but just had to get right in my head and make up my mind to do it. (For the record they were both wonderful doctors but one died unexpectedly and the other moved out of Natchez).

But enough about that. It just felt good to think "I've arrived" as far as the medical community is concerned.

So, there are more good things to come. But I've been up since 4:15 this morning and it is time to get ready for work.

The Reasons Why

I have been deeply effected by the recent death of a childhood friend and classmate. In trying to lighten my mood yesterday after I learned of my friend's passing, Billy tried to joke that we were "getting into that age group." I told him I didn't know how old he thought I was, but 43 is NOT "that age group."

But he meant well and said it out of love so I let it go.

My friend died of heart complications arising from weight gain. He died at 375 pounds. At age 43 or 44.

It has really hit me, for a lot of reasons, but mostly because THAT is the whole reason I started this journey I'm on.

I did not want to be that person. Worried about my heart. Wondering what damage I was doing to my body.

Cutting my life short.

I will probably never share the number on the scale that was staring back at me that first day. The one that scared me so badly. No one knows it except the lady at HealthQuest and she won't tell.

But it was so much higher than I ever thought I could weigh. My 6 foot 4 inch husband no longer outweighed me by much.

It terrified me and shook me to my core.

That was the point that I realized I had to do something.

Apparently my friend had encountered some of Life's difficulties and handled them the way we all do sometimes - turning to food for comfort, withdrawing from our friends and coworkers, convincing ourselves that we're handling it when we're really handling nothing.

I have been saddened by his passing - the wondering what ifs and so on, but I'm also resolved to keep going with what I started. Keep pushing myself to make the healthy choices - even when I don't want do or they aren't as much fun. I did indulge myself a little last night, bit of a pity party after a rough day, but today the day dawned brighter and I remembered that I don't have to end up like that. I have the power to control my choices and my responses to what Life hands me.

I may end up making a lot of lemonade with the lemons I get handed, but I don't have to drink it.

It's all up to me.

Having a Plan

I've been a little disappointed in myself lately.

Not necessarily because of what the scales do or don't say. But in my approach to things.

See, when I set out to lose the weight I did so like I do everything else in my world - organized, planned, thought out.

I set alarms so I would get up and go walk at the local mall in the morning. I did research on how much I should eat at a meal and devised methods of tracking it. I attacked the "problem" like I do anything. I developed a plan and I executed it.

Well, I might add.

Then came maintenance, though. I got pretty haphazard. And, let's face it, maintenance is really the biggest part of the whole overall plan. I mean, really, what is the point of losing the weight if you aren't going to work to keep it off.

So, after a year of just "doing" I have started back on developing a plan. I am an extremely organized person but I don't want to take this to the extreme. It is still my life and still supposed to be fun. I'm not looking to obsess about anything, either. (Very often, though, I envy Martha Stewart and her need of only 4 hours of sleep. I could get so much more done with just a few more hours in my day!) I have worked out a fitness calendar for the next few months to follow. It doesn't leave the day's workout to my whims and how I feel. It is on the To Do List and should be checked off accordingly.

It will mix the different tools I have on different days - some days cardio or strength or yoga or a mix, with 3 Friday nights a month off for a break. Hopefully, that will shake my body up a little.

Get it back jump started.

Because as much as I love my games, and I do LOVE my games, it is easy to get complacent or de-prioritize the fitness piece of the puzzle or just do the really fun ones and skip the ones that may actually be doing the most good.

And I know that for me, exercise is really the key to keeping the weight off. Not so that I can eat more but so that my body will always be surprised and keep using the fuel I give it efficiently. So that really is the area that I have to focus on the most.

I know that every body has its "happy place" that it settles into. I'm fine with that. But I know that it settles there when I'm doing all I can to be healthy. So if I'm not doing my part I can't reasonably expect my body to hold up its end of the deal, now can I?

So, I'm on Day 3 of my plan. Today will be a bit of challenge to get in since it is bunco night, but I'll figure it out. Somehow.

Because I love checking things off the list!

The BLTS

Wish I could take credit for thinking of this one, but I am not quite this creative.

I have written a few times about one the tools that has really helped was to write everything down that I ate.

If you bite it, write it.

On more than one occasion that process has stopped me from eating something. I simply didn't want to have to write it down and see it staring back at me.

I am no good at inserting links into these things but I'll try, separately, to see if I can link up to a blog that my aunt passed along to me. On this particular day, the author was talking about all the decisions we have to make all day, especially when it came to weight control.

She said it wasn't the things she was actually eating that were causing her problems, it was the BLTS.

Bites

Licks

Tastes

Sips

The little things that we do, sometimes out of habit, that can add up when you aren't looking. I mean, really, who doesn't want to lick the beaters if you've made a cake? Any good cook will tell you that you need to taste the food as you're cooking, to adjust the seasonings and all.

But it is that unconscious behavior that can be the most damaging.

Every bite counts. Every bite of everything, pretty much, has calories so if you're watching and keeping track of what you're eating, you've got to include those as well.

Notice, I didn't tell you not to do it. Would not dream of that. Life is to be lived and cooking and eating is fun. No doubt about it. People love to eat and it is very much a social activity.

But I am reminding you to be aware. Trying to keep your calories under a target goal is a tough challenge in and of itself. Trying to convince yourself you've stayed under that target when maybe you're being less than honest with yourself about what you have truly eaten that day is an even tougher challenge. We can sometimes easily look for excuses for failure, reasons to give up trying, without really looking honestly at the situation.

So, go have a wonderful day, and try to save those BLTs for the summer. When the tomatoes are homegrown and the bacon is turkey.

Too Good to Be Real

This is kind of a crazy society we're living in. I've been thinking about how to best approach this subject.

You see, I'm a little mixed on some of it.

A recent cover of People Magazine showed a young (23) television personality who underwent 10, yes 10, plastic surgeries at one time.

And this was not her first time under the knife.

Nor will it be her last. She still wants bigger breasts.

Ten surgeries.

This, to me, is 1) having more money than sense, and 2) such a sad commentary on how people (male and female) can view themselves.

Who, at 23, truly and honestly needs 10 plastic surgeries? She had her ears pinned back, chin reduction, liposuction, nose job, breast enhancement, you name it. And y'all, she looked wonderful to start with.

She was already a television celebrity.

I don't get it. But she said she wanted to feel "perfect".

I say perfection starts on the inside.

And there are no surgeries for that.

But it shows you some of the issues that we all face. She has a career that many people dream of, she is newly married (for the record, her husband was very much against the surgeries but supported her right to do it), and is living a life that many would envy.

Yet she wasn't happy.

Now, what part of this am I mixed about?

I don't agree with what she did, but I respect her right to do it.

I understand what it's like to want to look different. I wish I were taller, but there is no surgery for that. High heels are the best I can do on that front.

I do color my hair when I get dissatisfied with it.

I'll try every product that Oil of Olay can make to try and get rid of bags under my eyes or wrinkles.

And while the impetus for me to work on losing the 50 pounds I've dropped (so far anyway) was for health reasons I'd be lying if I said I didn't like the way I looked.

But I have never suffered from the confidence problems that this young woman obviously does. I never really associate what I look like with who I am.

I am me. Wife, daughter, sister, friend, "mother" to the puppies, CPA, partner. Doesn't matter if I'm blond, brunette, short, tall, whatever. All of these I accomplished because of who I am on the inside, who and what I was raised to be (thanks Mom and Dad!), how I view myself.

Unfortunately, though, that kind of self-awareness doesn't always translate. So, I actually feel sorry for this young lady.

Sorry that she can't see how beautiful she was before. Not that she isn't beautiful now, but it just isn't the same.

Sorry that she didn't opt to work on the inside first, before spending all that time on the shell.

Because, in reality, our bodies are simply that - shells. Delicate, fragile shells that hold an even more fragile and delicate soul on the inside.

And, like so many other things in this world, it is only the inside that counts.

Motivational Monday Get an Appetite for Life!

This post is from Denise Austin's newsletter this morning. Thought it was worth sharing.

When you take the focus of your life off food, it sometimes leaves behind a big (doughnut-shaped!) hole. So much of life revolves around meals and eating - shopping, cooking, entertaining. In a given day, you might go to a restaurant for lunch, meet your sister for coffee (and cake), then plan a special dinner for your kids.
Suddenly, when you can't eat all the goodies you'd normally buy or make, it's hard to know what to do with yourself. It's difficult to make fried chicken for everyone but not have a piece yourself. When the aroma of your cobbler or cookies fills the house, how can you not break down and take a taste?

Challenge yourself to get out of the way of temptation! You need to decide that until you meet your fitness and weight-loss goals, you'll let someone else whip up the goodies (even if they won't be as great as yours!). Furthermore, it's all right if you bring fruit salad instead of layer cake to a family cookout, or a plate of cut-up veggies and some light dressing instead of a baked macaroni and cheese to a party. You have the power to take charge of every situation, so use it! Don't be afraid to suggest buying coffee to go instead of sitting near all those muffins and scones at the coffee shop. Your sister or friend will understand and support you - she might even thank you!



There's no time like the present! What healthy choices will you make today?
- Denise



My favorite line: You have the power to take charge of every situation, so use it!

I have a hard time getting others to understand that and it wears me down sometimes. I control my insulin problem through both diet and medication. I don't know how many times I've declined birthday cake at work or a dessert at a family function only to be told "one little piece won't hurt you". You know what, its my call not theirs. I try to be polite. I never want to offend my host. But it is my health and my body and no one else can take care of it like I can. So I have to stand firm.

You can also. Don't let anyone bully you into making a less than perfect decision for you. Take charge!

Easy Come, Easy Go....

NOT!

Still struggling to get back down to my "fighting weight", as my daddy would say. It is just amazing to me that letting loose for only a couple of days - and that is all it was - has taken me almost a month to get over. I exercised over the holidays. I didn't seriously overeat.

Couple of extra little pies here and there that my body wasn't used to, but not like a whole pie anything like that!

And this is my toughest time. With busy season it is so hard to get up early and really exercise and I'm often too tired when I finally get home at night. And it is a constant battle not to snack.

But I know I really have to try and stay on top of my healthy habits. I will ultimately feel better and get more done if I'm staying on track.

I did walk home for lunch today and back so that helps a little. Breaks the day up, gets the mind working for the afternoon and all of that. Billy isn't crazy about me walking to and from work when its dark so I may have to just reserve that for lunchtime.

So I am trying, and I am chipping away at it. I can see the arrow going down a little bit every day but I really thought it would go much faster than this!

Billy picked up the new Jenny McCarthy's Your Shape disc for the Wii and I've been trying it for the last couple of weeks.

It is a very good workout and somewhat customizable. I'll report back after I've done it a little longer and give a review.

Have a great week everyone!

A Shout Out!

OK everyone, click on over to Darla's blog here and check her out!

I am SO PROUD of her!

Way To Go Darla!

Is This Too Big?

Billy had to smile this morning, which, in turn, made me smile.

I broke down the other day and bought two new suits and a sweater dress. Belk was having a really good sale. They are also remodeling the store so they've cleaned out a lot of the areas and I could actually see the clothes for a change and it was not an overall unpleasant experience.

Some of you will remember that I have said on more than one occasion that I hate to shop. Always have. It just isn't fun for me.

Anyway, I went in looking for the sweater dress. I wanted just a plain black dress, preferably turtleneck, to go with several new scarves I got over Christmas. Sounds simple enough but that has been the task for the ages.

Spotted one, not a turtleneck but it would do.

As I was headed to the register I saw all these two-piece pantsuits.

My standard work attire.

And they were on sale.

I bought two.

I am very short so I almost always head for petites.

One of the suits didn't come in a petite so I got the regular. The jacket was just too gorgeous to pass up at least trying it.

Needless to say, there was more than enough extra material in the pants. I had them all scrunched up and they still fell below the bottoms of my high-heeled boots. But, as Billy pointed out, the pants were black and there is no shortage in my house of black pants so I just swapped them out and wore the jacket.

Which I thought also looked a little big.

Today, I have on the sweater dress. I bought a large because I don't want it to be all tight and clingy. I just wanted to hang nicely.

For the second morning in a row I walked into the kitchen and asked "Is this too big?"

After assuring me that it wasn't Billy just looked at me and said "You always used to ask if something was too tight. Now you're worried about too big."

I realized that I have come a long way in the last 3 years (January 2007 was my start month for this quest for fitness). I saw some of my charts earlier in the week and I could see the progress that I'd made.

And it makes me smile.

Am I where I want to be? No. I'm still not back under my ceiling weight that I thought I could reach so easily. I'm closer - more in the attic than on the roof, but one day this week I was on the top of the chimney so it has been a struggle but I am headed in the right direction.

But sometimes you just have to step back for a second and appreciate what you have accomplished to date. Doesn't mean you give up on your ultimate goal or get complacent with where you are - you just take a minute, or more, and recognize those accomplishments and milestones you have already made and then go from there.

Maybe you do it in a new black sweater dress.....