The Reasons Why

I have been deeply effected by the recent death of a childhood friend and classmate. In trying to lighten my mood yesterday after I learned of my friend's passing, Billy tried to joke that we were "getting into that age group." I told him I didn't know how old he thought I was, but 43 is NOT "that age group."

But he meant well and said it out of love so I let it go.

My friend died of heart complications arising from weight gain. He died at 375 pounds. At age 43 or 44.

It has really hit me, for a lot of reasons, but mostly because THAT is the whole reason I started this journey I'm on.

I did not want to be that person. Worried about my heart. Wondering what damage I was doing to my body.

Cutting my life short.

I will probably never share the number on the scale that was staring back at me that first day. The one that scared me so badly. No one knows it except the lady at HealthQuest and she won't tell.

But it was so much higher than I ever thought I could weigh. My 6 foot 4 inch husband no longer outweighed me by much.

It terrified me and shook me to my core.

That was the point that I realized I had to do something.

Apparently my friend had encountered some of Life's difficulties and handled them the way we all do sometimes - turning to food for comfort, withdrawing from our friends and coworkers, convincing ourselves that we're handling it when we're really handling nothing.

I have been saddened by his passing - the wondering what ifs and so on, but I'm also resolved to keep going with what I started. Keep pushing myself to make the healthy choices - even when I don't want do or they aren't as much fun. I did indulge myself a little last night, bit of a pity party after a rough day, but today the day dawned brighter and I remembered that I don't have to end up like that. I have the power to control my choices and my responses to what Life hands me.

I may end up making a lot of lemonade with the lemons I get handed, but I don't have to drink it.

It's all up to me.