The Reasons Why

I have been deeply effected by the recent death of a childhood friend and classmate. In trying to lighten my mood yesterday after I learned of my friend's passing, Billy tried to joke that we were "getting into that age group." I told him I didn't know how old he thought I was, but 43 is NOT "that age group."

But he meant well and said it out of love so I let it go.

My friend died of heart complications arising from weight gain. He died at 375 pounds. At age 43 or 44.

It has really hit me, for a lot of reasons, but mostly because THAT is the whole reason I started this journey I'm on.

I did not want to be that person. Worried about my heart. Wondering what damage I was doing to my body.

Cutting my life short.

I will probably never share the number on the scale that was staring back at me that first day. The one that scared me so badly. No one knows it except the lady at HealthQuest and she won't tell.

But it was so much higher than I ever thought I could weigh. My 6 foot 4 inch husband no longer outweighed me by much.

It terrified me and shook me to my core.

That was the point that I realized I had to do something.

Apparently my friend had encountered some of Life's difficulties and handled them the way we all do sometimes - turning to food for comfort, withdrawing from our friends and coworkers, convincing ourselves that we're handling it when we're really handling nothing.

I have been saddened by his passing - the wondering what ifs and so on, but I'm also resolved to keep going with what I started. Keep pushing myself to make the healthy choices - even when I don't want do or they aren't as much fun. I did indulge myself a little last night, bit of a pity party after a rough day, but today the day dawned brighter and I remembered that I don't have to end up like that. I have the power to control my choices and my responses to what Life hands me.

I may end up making a lot of lemonade with the lemons I get handed, but I don't have to drink it.

It's all up to me.

Having a Plan

I've been a little disappointed in myself lately.

Not necessarily because of what the scales do or don't say. But in my approach to things.

See, when I set out to lose the weight I did so like I do everything else in my world - organized, planned, thought out.

I set alarms so I would get up and go walk at the local mall in the morning. I did research on how much I should eat at a meal and devised methods of tracking it. I attacked the "problem" like I do anything. I developed a plan and I executed it.

Well, I might add.

Then came maintenance, though. I got pretty haphazard. And, let's face it, maintenance is really the biggest part of the whole overall plan. I mean, really, what is the point of losing the weight if you aren't going to work to keep it off.

So, after a year of just "doing" I have started back on developing a plan. I am an extremely organized person but I don't want to take this to the extreme. It is still my life and still supposed to be fun. I'm not looking to obsess about anything, either. (Very often, though, I envy Martha Stewart and her need of only 4 hours of sleep. I could get so much more done with just a few more hours in my day!) I have worked out a fitness calendar for the next few months to follow. It doesn't leave the day's workout to my whims and how I feel. It is on the To Do List and should be checked off accordingly.

It will mix the different tools I have on different days - some days cardio or strength or yoga or a mix, with 3 Friday nights a month off for a break. Hopefully, that will shake my body up a little.

Get it back jump started.

Because as much as I love my games, and I do LOVE my games, it is easy to get complacent or de-prioritize the fitness piece of the puzzle or just do the really fun ones and skip the ones that may actually be doing the most good.

And I know that for me, exercise is really the key to keeping the weight off. Not so that I can eat more but so that my body will always be surprised and keep using the fuel I give it efficiently. So that really is the area that I have to focus on the most.

I know that every body has its "happy place" that it settles into. I'm fine with that. But I know that it settles there when I'm doing all I can to be healthy. So if I'm not doing my part I can't reasonably expect my body to hold up its end of the deal, now can I?

So, I'm on Day 3 of my plan. Today will be a bit of challenge to get in since it is bunco night, but I'll figure it out. Somehow.

Because I love checking things off the list!

The BLTS

Wish I could take credit for thinking of this one, but I am not quite this creative.

I have written a few times about one the tools that has really helped was to write everything down that I ate.

If you bite it, write it.

On more than one occasion that process has stopped me from eating something. I simply didn't want to have to write it down and see it staring back at me.

I am no good at inserting links into these things but I'll try, separately, to see if I can link up to a blog that my aunt passed along to me. On this particular day, the author was talking about all the decisions we have to make all day, especially when it came to weight control.

She said it wasn't the things she was actually eating that were causing her problems, it was the BLTS.

Bites

Licks

Tastes

Sips

The little things that we do, sometimes out of habit, that can add up when you aren't looking. I mean, really, who doesn't want to lick the beaters if you've made a cake? Any good cook will tell you that you need to taste the food as you're cooking, to adjust the seasonings and all.

But it is that unconscious behavior that can be the most damaging.

Every bite counts. Every bite of everything, pretty much, has calories so if you're watching and keeping track of what you're eating, you've got to include those as well.

Notice, I didn't tell you not to do it. Would not dream of that. Life is to be lived and cooking and eating is fun. No doubt about it. People love to eat and it is very much a social activity.

But I am reminding you to be aware. Trying to keep your calories under a target goal is a tough challenge in and of itself. Trying to convince yourself you've stayed under that target when maybe you're being less than honest with yourself about what you have truly eaten that day is an even tougher challenge. We can sometimes easily look for excuses for failure, reasons to give up trying, without really looking honestly at the situation.

So, go have a wonderful day, and try to save those BLTs for the summer. When the tomatoes are homegrown and the bacon is turkey.

Too Good to Be Real

This is kind of a crazy society we're living in. I've been thinking about how to best approach this subject.

You see, I'm a little mixed on some of it.

A recent cover of People Magazine showed a young (23) television personality who underwent 10, yes 10, plastic surgeries at one time.

And this was not her first time under the knife.

Nor will it be her last. She still wants bigger breasts.

Ten surgeries.

This, to me, is 1) having more money than sense, and 2) such a sad commentary on how people (male and female) can view themselves.

Who, at 23, truly and honestly needs 10 plastic surgeries? She had her ears pinned back, chin reduction, liposuction, nose job, breast enhancement, you name it. And y'all, she looked wonderful to start with.

She was already a television celebrity.

I don't get it. But she said she wanted to feel "perfect".

I say perfection starts on the inside.

And there are no surgeries for that.

But it shows you some of the issues that we all face. She has a career that many people dream of, she is newly married (for the record, her husband was very much against the surgeries but supported her right to do it), and is living a life that many would envy.

Yet she wasn't happy.

Now, what part of this am I mixed about?

I don't agree with what she did, but I respect her right to do it.

I understand what it's like to want to look different. I wish I were taller, but there is no surgery for that. High heels are the best I can do on that front.

I do color my hair when I get dissatisfied with it.

I'll try every product that Oil of Olay can make to try and get rid of bags under my eyes or wrinkles.

And while the impetus for me to work on losing the 50 pounds I've dropped (so far anyway) was for health reasons I'd be lying if I said I didn't like the way I looked.

But I have never suffered from the confidence problems that this young woman obviously does. I never really associate what I look like with who I am.

I am me. Wife, daughter, sister, friend, "mother" to the puppies, CPA, partner. Doesn't matter if I'm blond, brunette, short, tall, whatever. All of these I accomplished because of who I am on the inside, who and what I was raised to be (thanks Mom and Dad!), how I view myself.

Unfortunately, though, that kind of self-awareness doesn't always translate. So, I actually feel sorry for this young lady.

Sorry that she can't see how beautiful she was before. Not that she isn't beautiful now, but it just isn't the same.

Sorry that she didn't opt to work on the inside first, before spending all that time on the shell.

Because, in reality, our bodies are simply that - shells. Delicate, fragile shells that hold an even more fragile and delicate soul on the inside.

And, like so many other things in this world, it is only the inside that counts.

Motivational Monday Get an Appetite for Life!

This post is from Denise Austin's newsletter this morning. Thought it was worth sharing.

When you take the focus of your life off food, it sometimes leaves behind a big (doughnut-shaped!) hole. So much of life revolves around meals and eating - shopping, cooking, entertaining. In a given day, you might go to a restaurant for lunch, meet your sister for coffee (and cake), then plan a special dinner for your kids.
Suddenly, when you can't eat all the goodies you'd normally buy or make, it's hard to know what to do with yourself. It's difficult to make fried chicken for everyone but not have a piece yourself. When the aroma of your cobbler or cookies fills the house, how can you not break down and take a taste?

Challenge yourself to get out of the way of temptation! You need to decide that until you meet your fitness and weight-loss goals, you'll let someone else whip up the goodies (even if they won't be as great as yours!). Furthermore, it's all right if you bring fruit salad instead of layer cake to a family cookout, or a plate of cut-up veggies and some light dressing instead of a baked macaroni and cheese to a party. You have the power to take charge of every situation, so use it! Don't be afraid to suggest buying coffee to go instead of sitting near all those muffins and scones at the coffee shop. Your sister or friend will understand and support you - she might even thank you!



There's no time like the present! What healthy choices will you make today?
- Denise



My favorite line: You have the power to take charge of every situation, so use it!

I have a hard time getting others to understand that and it wears me down sometimes. I control my insulin problem through both diet and medication. I don't know how many times I've declined birthday cake at work or a dessert at a family function only to be told "one little piece won't hurt you". You know what, its my call not theirs. I try to be polite. I never want to offend my host. But it is my health and my body and no one else can take care of it like I can. So I have to stand firm.

You can also. Don't let anyone bully you into making a less than perfect decision for you. Take charge!